win almost every battle you fight, lad, his father told him so many times when he was younger.  Defending takes less energy, the defender almost always has the advantage, and you can almost always fluster your opponent into doing something stupid.  All it takes is patience.
	Patience.
	Unchallenged, the shadow of Vals avalanche of black power blasted at him, and then struck the barrier Tarrin had erected to protect himself and closed his wings more tightly around himself.  He felt the integrity of his barrier waver, weaken, as unbelievable power was hurled against it, but like a reed in the wind, the barrier bent but did not break.  The power vaporized the ground upon which he stood, blasted a crater into the ground almost fifty spans across and thirty spans deep with Tarrin at its center, but the transformed Were-cat simply hovered in midair, using his power to keep himself immobile, refusing to so much as flinch away in the face of all of the shadow of Vals wrath.
	But Vals shadow only had so much power, and could not sustain such a vicious attack for more than a heartbeat.
	Almost as quickly as it had begun, the attack ended.  The black avalanche passed by and around Tarrin, unable to defeat his defenses, leaving him untouched, unscathed.  The shadow of Vals form had contracted during the attack, as if the weakening forced it to reduce its size, and now it was no taller than Keritanima, shifting and shimmering about fifty spans away from him, looking weak and pitiful.  It had thrown almost everything it had into that attack, and had Tarrin not pulled out of the battle, had not used his power to protect rather than to attack, it just might have worked.
	Unfolding his wings from around him, flaring them out and raising his sword, Tarrin wasted not an instant, racing towards the shadow of Val with eyes flat with anger and outrage and his swords fire exploding in its brilliance in anticipation of victory.
	No! the shadow of Val cried weakly, pitifully, as Tarrin hurtled towards it.  Tarrin looked at it, into it, and saw hundreds upon hundreds of living souls, the souls of all the Were-kin and people that Stragos Bane had killed.  He had fed on those souls, imprisoned them, in order to increase his power, to sustain himself.  He sensed around him the spiritual presence of every single god of Sennadar, even gods of peoples he had never met, gods he had never even heard of.  They were surrounding him, surrounding Suld, watching this struggle and not interfering, waiting to see what would happen.  To his left and to his right, he suddenly sensed the direct presences of the twin Deaths, Dakkii and Dakkuu, as they advanced with him, awaiting the release of the souls entrapped with the shadow of Vals physical form, waiting to take them to their final reward.
	To the shadow of Vals eyes, it was not just Tarrin who was rushing towards it, readying to cleave the twisted life from it, but also Death, who had come to claim it.
	And for the first time, it knew true terror.
	NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! it screamed hysterically, frantically, raising its arms in feeble defense against the righteous might of Tarrins burning sword, but there was nothing to save it now.
	With a vast, savage, overhanded chop, Tarrin slashed his fiery sword right into the shadow of Vals insubstantial head.  A blazing white light erupted from that point of contact and followed the sword all the way down as it sliced without opposition through the body of living shadow, cutting the shadow of Val into two almost perfect halves before digging into the ground beneath it, the fire causing the dirt and stone beneath it to expode upwards violent from the incredible heat.  Tarrins body made physical contact with both halves of the shadow, knocking them aside as he hurtled past, then feet touched ground and skidded him to a stop as he turned in his slide and looked back.  He looked back to see the two halves of the shadow of Val spina way from each other, the hideous wound he had made in them blazing with brilliant white light.
	And then, in a pair of shuddering contractions, the material form of the shadow of Val lost its coherence and evaporated like smoke.  In its wake was left the hundreds of souls who had been trapped within the unholy, evil creation, who were quickly and efficiently collected up by the insubstantial forms of the twin Deaths, taking them to their reward.
	Blowing out his breath, Tarrin lowered his sword and folded his wings behind him.  The nightmarish creation of his dead enemy was no more.  He had won.
	Their task completed, both Deaths advanced on him, floating towards him deliberately.  Dakkii, the Valkyrie, in her golden armor and winged helmet, carrying a gold-tipped spear.  Dakkuu, the Nameless One, covered in a dark cloak and carrying a bloodstained scythe.  Tarrin watched them advance on him uncertainly, not sure what they intended, but they both came to a stop about fifteen spans from him.
	And for you, Tarrin Kael, the voice of Dakkii spoke, directly into his mind.
	What do you mean? he asked warily, regarding them.
	Our thanks, Dakkuu finished.  What you destroyed was an abomination, and it prevented those who deserved endless punishment from receving what they were due.
	And prevented those deserving of reward from receiving what was rightfully theirs, Dakkii added..  Our gratitude.
	They retreated from him, and Tarrin looked up, looked into the eyes of forty-five gods, looked up into the faces of uncertainty, and of fear.  They feared him.  They knew that he, too, was an abomination, something that was never meant to be, and he could see the fear of that in their eyes, even in the eyes of Niami.  Noin her eyes, there was fear for him, not fear of him.
	Rightful fear.  Tarrin lowered his sword, looked at the fire sheathing his paw, and he understood.  He was a mortal, but a mortal who could tap into the powers of a god.  A mortal who had touched what no mortal was ever meant to touch, a mortal who lacked the comprehension and understanding to responsibly use the power at his command.  Even now he could feel it inside him, filling him, singing to him, and the temptation to use it was already starting to creep into his heart.
	He looked down to his sword and understood that it was the trigger, it was the key.  It was an artifact, and now its power was known to him.  It had the power to let him touch what he had lost when his godly form had been destroyed, and his divine soul had been placed into a mortal body.  He couldnt touch that power alone.  It was the sword that had given him the ability to touch that power.  Separate from it, he was a mortal.
	Joined to it, he was a god.
	He could feel that it had its own awareness, it own sentience.  It had never reacted before because it felt no reason to react, to give him that power.  Only in a moment of need did it rise up and allow him to reach into the power within, to change himself into a form capable of wielding that power.
	He looked around, and what he saw that the beautiful city of Suld was now a blasted wasteland.  In every direction he could see, he saw nothing but smoke, dust, and ruins.  He had no idea how many people had died in the destruction, how many people had died because of him.
	When would it end?  Why could he not simply be left alone?  Why couldnt they leave him in peace?  It was all supposed to be over, but it seemed to never be over!  He would never find peace!
	Closing his eyes, Tarrin cast the sword aside.  He heard it clatter to the shattered, tortured ground.  He felt its power surge, felt it rise up from the ground, and then he distinctly felt it withdraw its power from him, closing the door between him and the boundless, radiant power inside of him.  In a sudden whirlwind of fire that enveloped him, he felt the power pull away from him, out of him, retreat back into the infinite depths of his soul, where it was again locked away from him.  He rejoiced in its retreat, felt secure knowing that he could not touch it now, that the temptation to use it was taken away.
	He did not want to be a god.  If there was any single person on Sennadar that understood the curse that came with that power, it was Tarrin Kael.
	The withdrawl of that power left him cold and empty, and weaker than a newborn kitten.  As the whirlwind of fire dissipated into nothing, Tarrin wilted, and then stumbled, and then he spiraled down into blackness and knew no more.

	The gods all watched as the form of Tarrin Kael collapsed to the ground, felt that the divine might that had infused him had been withdrawn, that he was again mortal.  They stared down upon him as he lay in the middle of a circle of great destruction that had consumed nearly a quarter of the city of Suld, the scars left behind as the Were-cat who had touched upon powers he was not meant to have destroyed a walking abomination that the gods wanted destroyed, but feared destroying themselves for the very reason Suld was in such a damaged state.
	Had a god opposed the twisted abomination created by Val, the destruction would have been much worse.  They had allowed one abomination to destroy the other, which only left them with one with which they had to contend.
	They stared down upon the form of Tarrin Kael.  Some of them worried at what it would take to destroy him.  Some worried for him, some grieved for him, but all of them could not look down at him and not be reminded in that vision exactly what he had become, and what danger he may pose to them all some day in the future.
	For attached to his back, laying limply to each side of him, having permanently become an integral part of his very being even without access to his godly might, were Tarrins wings of living fire.
 
Chapter 16

	Nothing was ever going to be the same.
	Climbing out of the black pit of nothingness, Tarrin clawed his way back to consciousness.  He could still smell the smoke and the dust and the stone, he could feel the heat of melted rock surround him, and he could remember everything that had happened.  He still felt weak, exhausted, but his Were powers of regeneration were already hard at work, drawing on the power of the All to replace energy that had been drained away in his battle with the shadow of Val.
	Opening his eyes, he took in a blasted circle of melted rock that had started to harden, forming a ring of ripples around its edges as the liquid rock had been pushed away from Tarrins body, getting far enough away to cool down again.  He was laying in cooling lava, hardening even as he watched, feeling the heat in it quickly dissipate into the much cooler air and rock that surrounded it.  Beyond that was a jagged landscape of ruin.  Buildings had been knocked down and shattered, and their debris was scattered in the streets, atop their foundations.  To his eternal, ultimate relief, he saw no bodies in that rubble.  That, at least, was something to happy about.
	Slowly, carefully pulling himself up onto his knees, he leaned back and sat on his feet, a paw to his head as he tried to clear out the cobwebs.  He remembered the fight, how he had used his power against the shadow of Val, then pulled back into a defensive stance and allowed the desperate creation to use up all its reserves in a desperate attempt to overwhelm him.  And then he destroyed it.
	Suld.  Jenna was going to kill him.  He looked around and saw destruction in every direction, destruction that went for blocks in every direction.  Columns of smoke rose into the air from multiple fires scattered through the blasted ruins, and each one was a stab in his soul.  He should have lured Bane out of the city.  He should never have fought him in Suld, shouldnt have put the citizens of Suld in danger!  All of this was his fault.  He leaned forward and pounded his fist on the rubbery, semi-hardened lava crust, cracking it and exposing glowing liquid rock beneath.
	Blowing out his breath, he put that aside for the moment, for there were other concerns, other worries.  That, that thing, that shadow.  How had Val created something that had the power of a god?  And his own reply, it was unbievable.  He looked down at his sword, that black-bladed Eastern weapon with its chisel tip and oval crosspiece.  Who would have known that it had that kind of power?  It could turn him into a god.
	But a mortal god, not possessed of the divine knowledge of his power.  He remembered that quite clearly, that he had had no idea what to do with that power.  It had taken the shadow of Vals use of its own power to teach him what to do, how to release it.
	He remembered it all.  It had been the sword that had reached into him and used his Druidic magic, had used his power to Summon it to him.  It was possessed of a kind of sentience, an awareness of things that had caused it to react, to bring itself to him, and then use its power to allow him to reach into the power he had once possessed as a god.  The touch of that power had changed him, transformed him into what he was when he was a god.  He had become an Avatar, an Avatar of himself, as the Goddess had told him long ago.
	The sword laid there on the cooling ground, and he feared it.  But what was more, he could feel an awful desire within him to pick it up, to use it.  Having that power inside of him, it was indescribable, and a part of him cried out to experience it again, to become whole, to reclaim what had been taken away from him.
	It was the temptation that had caused people to become obsessed with the Firestaff, a corrupting power that subverted all to its own will.
	But it was also his duty to protect that artifact, as much as the Firestaff.  He was its chosen owner, protector, and he couldnt allow it to be used.  As much as he feared it, it was his, and it was his duty to protect it.
	With a trembling paw, Tarrin reached out and slid his fingers around the hilt of his sword.  It felt as it always had, hot from the molten rock beneath it, but not feeling like an artifact that could do what he knew it could do.  But he could sense that potential within it, that same vague sense of power he had noticed before, and could also sense the awareness inside of it.  It was a dim awareness, a dormant one, but ready to awaken and perform its task when it felt that the need was great enough.
	In that touch he understood a fundamental truth.  He could not use the sword to become a god.  It was the sword who decided when that was necessary.  He could not force it, he could not demand of it, he could not trigger it himself.
	And never had he felt such joyous relief at understanding a truth than he did at that moment.
	Using the sword to drag himself to his feet, feeling his knees wobble a little from the effort, he pulled himself up and surveyed the destruction, knowing that he was responsible for it.  Theyd all been watching.  Why hadnt they contained the destruction, like they had at Gora Umadar?  This didnt have to happen!
	We did, the voice of the Goddess called aloud in her curious choral voice, as if it held such power that no single voice could contain it.  He turned and saw her step from a column of smoke, with her seven-colored hair and glowing eyes and shimmering dress made of starlight.  Her expression was sober, almost grim, but she reached her hand out to him as she always did, and he took that hand and held onto it very tightly, betraying his uncertainty and fear over what had happened.  The same reason why we didnt get close to you in Gora Umadar is why we didnt get close to you here, kitten.  We didnt want your power touching ours.  We protected the rest of Suld, because if we hadnt, the only thing that would be standing within ten longspans of here would be the Tower.
	Tarrin stared at her a long moment, then sighed and passed his paw over his face wearily.  Im sorry, Mother.  I didnt know.
	You should have felt us, kitten, she told him seriously.
	Mother, if I did feel anything, I wouldnt have known what it was, he told her.  I didnt have any idea what I was doing.  If Vals shadow wouldnt have used its power against me, I wouldnt have known how to do it myself.  I just copied what I saw it do.  The whole time, I was either totally confused or scared out of my mind.
	She stepped up to him and put her delicate hand on his face, and he could feel the power of that touch.  He leaned his head against that touch, taking comfort in it, put his paw over her hand to keep her from taking it away.  I know, my kitten, she said in a gentle voice.  You werent ready for what happened, and now youre confused and out of sorts and very frightened.
	How did he do it? he asked plaintively.  Will there be any more of them?
	She shook her head.  No, kitten.  There will not be any others.
	He looked right into her eyes.  Why didnt they stop that thing before it got so strong? he demanded.  I know that the gods knew about it.
	Kitten, it was no threat to any god so long as it lacked the power to use divine energy, she told him.  When it took the Firestaff from you, it gained that power, by siphoning it off the Firestaff.
	Tarrin pulled away from her, turning and taking a few steps away, looking at the ground.  Then everything it did was nothing but a plan to make me produce the Firestaff, he reasoned.  When I first took it out, Bane was shocked and worried.  I thought it was because I pulled out a weapon I could use against him that he couldnt destroy.  Now that I think of it, though, it was because I was about to take his head off with it, and he realized that he was going to have to take it away from me.  He knew that wasnt going to be easy.
	Yes, kitten.  Its been going around for years now, collecting up ancient magical objects, gathering up everything it needed to force you to use the Firestaff.  The armor, the circlet of magical protection it wore around its neck, the lion-faced shield, they were nothing but tools to take away your options.
	And I fell for it.
	You had no idea what it was, kitten.
	No, but you did, he said in a low, accusing tone.
	There was a long silence.  I couldnt tell you, Tarrin, she told him in a somber tone, using his proper name.  She rarely did that unless she was being deadly serious with him.  I was forbidden.
	Why?
	Because they--no, we.  We wanted to see what you could do.  We wanted to see just what would happen.
	Well, now you know, he said in a low, dangerous tone.  And all it cost you was half of Suld and a few thousand mortal lives.  He turned to look back at her, but flinched away in shock and surprise.
	There was fire between them!
	He staggered back, turning because the fire had turned as well, and saw it on the edge of his vision.  It stayed right there, right on the edge of his vision, even after he came to a stop.  He twisted his torso in a way that no human could duplicate, twisting until his shoulders were almost squarely facing in the other direction of his hips, but the fire continued to move.  What was this strange magical effect, and why couldnt he feel it?  Was it some kind of attack, or just an after-effect of the battle with Vals shadow, a bit of stray magic?
	Tarrin, Tarrin, calm down! the Goddess called urgently, quickly scurrying towards him.  Its not dangerous!  Its not what you think!
	He reached out and swatted at that fire, for he did not fear it--
	--and felt it get struck.
	That almost made him flop down on his backside.  He felt that!  He reached behind him and pinched that fire in his paw gently, and he felt the pressure.  For that matter, it didnt feel like fire.  It was solid, and it was warm to the touch but not hot, but he could feel that touch.
	He felt another touch, on the other side, and he turned to look at the Goddess.  She stepped away from his flank, and he felt a pressure as she pulled away from him.  She had something in her hands, and when he looked at it, he could see that it was more fire.
	Fire that was attached to his back.
	The wings!   The wings were still there!  They hadnt disappeared with the rest of the fire when the sword had closed the door between him and his godly power!
	Thats right, kitten, the Goddess told him quickly, soothingly, continuing to hold onto that wing of flame, pulling it out so he could see it.  The wings didnt disappear.  Theyre a part of you now, just like your arms or legs.
	In stunned shock, he untwisted himself and put a paw over his shoulder, reaching back behind him, and he felt it.  It was attached to his back just over his shoulder blades, right where Arianas and Shiikas wings were attached to their backs.  He could feel the smooth, seamless transition between his skin and the fire, felt where they merged to become one, felt the hole burned in the back of his vest to accommodate it.  Now that he could feel them, knew that they were there, and he already had an understanding of how they worked, he unfurled them gently, slowly, giving the Goddess time to let go of one of them.  They obeyed his mental commands, opening completely to reveal a wingspan of twenty-five spans.  They werent distinctly shaped, vague fiery forms that looked like a cross between Arianas bird-like wings and Shiikas bat-like wings.  The fire that made them up did not shimmer or flicker, like it was a frozen, solid mass that had substance, but no weight.  Creations of magic that were no less real to him, wings of solid fire that were truly a part of his body.  The individual licks of flame that constituted the fiery appendages were each different colors, and collectively they looked like feathers, or scales, giving the solid masses of fire texture, making them look like the wings they imitated.  Each wing was a vibrant array of red, orange, yellow, white, and even some blue, representing the spectrum of color a flame could contain, scattered through each wing in a random manner that made them appear vaguely like the multicolored wings of a Faerie.
	Tarrin stared at them for a long moment, and then bowed his head and folded them behind his back.  They were majestic, they were grand, and they were also an unending reminder of what had happened.  They were the physical indication to all that Tarrin was no longer who he once was, and could never be again.  They were the mark of his power, the outward manifestation of the power within, and they would never let anyone forget, not even him, that he was forever changed.
	He found no joy in them.
	Theyre afraid of me, Mother, he said in a quiet, somber tone.  I could see it.  I could feel it.  They think Im just as much an abomination as that shadow of Val was.
	Well, kitten, you are rather, unique, she said hesitantly.  And the Elder Gods never expected that this was going to happen.  We thought that you might exhibit certain abilities stemming from your divine soul, but we never thought you would be able to directly touch that power and manifest it the way you did today.
	Then why did they let me fight Vals shadow?
	To see what you could do, she told him.  The other Elder Gods wanted to test you, to see if you were capable of doing what they want you to do.  They allowed Vals abomination to exist, knowing that it would seek you out, and serve as the perfect test.
	What they want me to do?  I thought that Id never be asked of anything again after I took care of Val for them, he said in a dangerous tone.  What do they want, Mother?
	Nothing more than what you already do, my kitten, she told him seriously.  By your very nature, you are a defender, a guardian, a protector.  Someone we could depend on to handle problems beyond the power of most mortals.  Things that the Elder Gods dont want to get involved in, for any number of reasons.  She stepped up to him and extended her hand, which he took without hesitation.  Before, we have always used Spyder for these things, kitten.  But she is only one person, and after so many years of faithful service, we felt that it was only fair to her to find someone to help her shoulder that burden.  When my mother allowed me to revive you, it was with the hope that you could be another defender like Spyder is, someone to help her.  Letting you fight Bane was a test to see if you were capable of the task.  She closed her eyes.  We did not expect it to get so out of control, she admitted, then opened her eyes and regarded him gently.  When Bane showed its true power, we were afraid.  We all honestly believed that it would never take the Firestaff from you, but we underestimated it.  Badly.  And for that, kitten, I am truly sorry.  After it used the power of the Firestaff to empower itself beyond your ability to defeat it, the gods all gathered here and debated the issue, and it turned into an argument.  One of us had to bring his icon here and face that monstrosity, which would put us at risk, and none but me was willing to do so.  Gods dont like risk, kitten, as Im sure youve noticed, she admitted.  But before Ayise decided to risk losing my power to the world, you showed your true power.  After that, it was decided to let you deal with Vals shadow, and we bent to the task of protecting as much of Suld as we could from the effects of your battle.
	To do your dirty work for you, he said in a growl.
	To do what a god would not, but all but a handful of mortals could not, she said quickly.  These are the kinds of things Spyder does for us.  She is my daughter, but she serves all of us.  That is what we hoped you could also do for us, kitten, after giving you a few decades to yourself and allow you to rest.  We all thought that after so much time, you might be amenable to the idea of helping us.
	Kitten, I wont lie to you.  The gods do fear you.  Some of them think it was a mistake to let me bring you back, and even more now think that you must be destroyed.  Theyre afraid of you because youre nothing like what theyve experienced before.  What you need to do, kitten is show them that they have no reason to be afraid.  Im not afraid of you, because I understand you, and I love you.  I know youd never do what theyre afraid you might do.
	What?
	Destroy the Balance, she answered.  You are still a creation of the Firestaff, kitten.  You are still outside the control of the gods.  Were it not for our closeness, the Elder Gods would have destroyed you months ago, or never permitted me to restore you in the first place.  But now that youve displayed the ability to use the power you lost when you destroyed yourself and Val at Gora Umadar, they worry that our relationship will not be enough to keep you from destroying the world, that I cannot control your destructive tendencies.
	You make it sound like they think Im some kind of maniac, he protested.
	Kitten, think, she told him very seriously.  You do not have a record of what we could call rational behavior.  And your history of laying waste to the local geography is well documented.  What else would you have them think, given your past?
	That brought him up short.  She had him there, that was for sure.  He wiped out the docks ward of Den Gauche, he eradicated any number of seagoing vessels on the high seas, he had created a volcano in the Desert of Swirling Sands by cracking a hole in the land, he had flattened large swaths of Dala Yar Arak, and there was a twenty-longspan wide gaping wound in the world where the pyramid of Gora Umadar had once stood.
	Thats right.  But you can change that impression they have of you, kitten.  Win their trust, and they wont fear you.  Theyll see you as I see you.  I trust you, my kitten.  I placed my faith in you and chose you to defend my icon when Vals army came to destroy it.  I could have had Spyder do it, but I did not.  I placed my fate in these hands, she said, taking his other paw and holding both of them before him.  And you protected me.  I am here, my magic still blesses Sennadar, because of these hands, my kitten.
	I love you, Mother, he told her, closing his fingers around her delicate hands.  Thats why I obey you.  But I dont care about the others--except FaraNae.  I dont care if they trust me.  The only trust that matters to me is yours.  They just have to leave me alone.
	She gave him a wan smile.  Feral even to the gods, kitten? she asked.
	Especially to the gods, he answered flatly.  While they were busy hiding under their beds and whining about how terrible it was that Val was running loose, they left me to deal with him.  They didnt care about me, Mother.  They only cared that someone else was going to make their nightmare go away, no matter what it cost me.
	Thats unbecoming, kitten, she chided.  The gods do care about you.  They just did what had to be done.  Even me, if you dont recall.  You forgave me for this, she said, touching the fetlocks sticking out from under the Cats Claws meaningfully.  Cant you forgive them for what they had to do as well?
	They care about me?  Didnt you just say that some of them want to destroy me? he asked pointedly.
	Some do, she admitted.  Some also care about you.  I love you, as does FaraNae.  Karas respects you and looks out for you, for you are Sulasian, and Dallstad explodes with pride over you, for you are Ungardt, and Dallstad reveres power.  That one of his children has achieved such power is his wildest dreams realization.  Many other gods admire you, but they would never admit it.
	I dont have any problem with that, Mother, he told her.  I know how FaraNae feels, and I can respect Karas and Dallstad.  But that doesnt sweep everything else under the rug.
	Dont get difficult with me now, kitten, she told him sternly, gripping his fingers.  If you want to survive, you have to prove to the other Elder Gods that youre not a threat.
	Im no threat to them, he said quietly, letting go of her hands.  All I want is to be left alone.
	Kitten?  Does the offer of the Elder Gods appeal to you? she asked hesitantly.
	He was quiet a moment, his eyes lost in thought, and then they focused on her, his face becoming an expressionless mask.  If Spyder wants my help, she can come to me.  Ill do what she asks out of respect for her, not out of any need to obey them, he answered with a powerful, level voice.  When she needs me, have her come to me.  Ill be there for her.  After all she did for me, its the least I can do.
	Then I think that satisfies all sides, my kitten, she told him.  For now.  In the meantime, please understand that y